More
than you want to know
Customs of Marriage – Rabbit Trail
- The primary
purpose of marriage in the ancient world was to reproduce
rather than have a special cherished one for companionship. – A lot was to
be considered; particularly was the wife healthy and could she bare
children; also the type of political alliance it would make. The
prevailing Jewish concept was that marriage was “the proper state” for a
man.
- Selection – Usually the
parents chose the mate for their son; one who would fit in with their clan
and work “harmoniously” with her mother in law who would pick up
the young girls training where her own mother left off; this often
developed into a deep and lasting bond.
- Courtship - Sometimes the son would suggest personal
preferences, but never allowed to date or even do lunch. – Chances were
good that he would not even see her face until the wedding day. The bride
might see him, but she always had a veil covering her face.
- Age – Most people lived
to a really old age; Issac did not marry till he was 40 years old and
Jacob was about 80. - The minimum age for boys to marry was 13 and the daughters
were 12. – If the husband was killed in war the wife could be re-married
to one of his kinsman and still bare children; this was know as a Levirate
Marriage.
- Women were concerned about
their skin, believing light skin was beautiful and avoided the sun only
working in the fields very early in the morning or late afternoon. – If
she became tan, she hid from public view.
- Love
–
In Old Testament times you did not marry the one you loved; you loved the
one you married. – Love began at marriage.
- Daughters who inherited their
father’s possessions had to marry within their tribe or lose their
inheritance.
- The “bride
price” paid
(Mohar) to the father was
agreed to by written agreement usually 50 silver shekels for a virgin and
25 silver shekels if she was divorced or a widow. - Instead of money;
Jewelry, animals, goods or services could be substituted. This was to compensate the father for
his loss of her services or it may simply have been given as a gift. Either
way the stigma was still there that the daughter had been sold; she had been bought. – Under
Mosaic Law a man’s cattle, slaves, children and wife were
considered his possession. This bride price was paid over and above
the gifts given by the groom’s family.
- Done
Deal
– The marriage agreement could only be voided through death or divorce;
there was no other way out; for a divorce the groom would have to pay double
the dowry to the wife’s father.
- Engagement (Kiddushin) was for a year which was considered normal
and constituted a part of the marriage.
During the engagement period they were considered married
although not living together; sexual intercourse could not take place
till after the marriage vows; Mary and Joseph were considered married. –
During the year, the groom prepared a place in his father’s house for them
to live and the bride prepared herself for him with lotions and perfumes
and adorned herself in her finest attire and family jewelry. – (There were of course some
exceptions of long engagements with marriage happening the same day)
- The
Wedding Party would set out about sunset with the groom as “the
center of attention” with his friends, attendants and musicians headed
towards the father of the Bride’s house where they met her and her party
of brides’ maids and attendants. – Together they would be led by torchbearers
through the town with music, dancing, shouts, joking, praises and singing.
– They would go to the Groom’s father’s house for the Wedding Supper
and continue to party there for seven days; sometimes as long as fourteen
days. – People would drop in and out as they could. Read
the parable of the “Ten Virgins”. Matthew
25:1-13
- The
wedding ceremony (Huppah) was
very brief; however the awaiting festivities were very elaborate. – The
ceremony was really about the “Groom”
taking the bride from her father’s house. – To refuse an invitation was
considered an insult – The guests were expected to wear festive clothes –
The couple was given crowns and referred to as king and queen.
- Consummation – The couple was
ushered into the bridal or nuptial chamber where the bride and groom
prayed and the marriage was consummated through sexual union as the guest
waited outside; once this was ANNOUNCED the wedding festivities continued
with love songs, speeches, games, jokes, music and a big feast
- The
marriage took place normally in the middle of the week usually
on Wednesday, so if she was found not to be a virgin, she could be taken
to court Thursday before the Sabbath. The bride’s family
was responsible for keeping the “virgin evidence” (blood stained bed
linens) on their wedding day in case the husband claimed she was not a
virgin.
- After
the birth of a child, the Hebrew practice
of sexual relations would be discontinued till the child was weaned; about
three years. – In the case of a male child, circumcision would occur
on the 8th day.
- Exemption
from Military duty was for one year during the engagement and through the
marriage so that the marriage would get off on a solid footing.
- Divorce - After the Hebrews
returned from exile, wholesale divorce was REQUIRED to purge the
nation of foreign wives to insure the purity of the Hebrew nation. Otherwise the Jewish tradition was to
discourage divorce. NYOBS 24.02 Divorce – A man could divorce
his wife, but a wife could not divorce her husband although many would
flea from unpleasant circumstances.
- Moses
on Divorce -
Moses allowed divorce only because of the hardness of the people’s
hearts. He did not command divorce,
but regulated an existing practice.
- Reasons
for Divorce -
Adultery or strong suspicion of adultery – Wife’s public violation of
moral decency – Her change of religion – refusal of connubial rights for a
full year. – Insulting her husband or father in law – if she had AIDS or
the like which prevented Sex.
- Not
Divorce - A man could NOT
divorce his wife if he “ravished” her before they were married. – nor
could he divorce her if she became insane or became an alcoholic or became
a deaf mute – Nor if she was taken away in captivity, because it was his
duty to ransom her.
- Alimony
-
The husband that divorced his wife was compelled to pay the wife her
dowry, and a certain amount of money of the property brought to him by the
bride or her parents at the time of the marriage.
- Custody
of
the children was given to the mother, but the father could claim custody
of the male child after six years of age. – The father was required to
“support” his daughters.
Num 27:8 – Inheritance can
go to the daughters
8 "Say to the Israelites, `If a man dies and
leaves no son, turn his inheritance over to his daughter.
NIV
Num 36:6-7 – Must marry
into the same tribe.
They may marry anyone they please as long as they marry
within the tribal clan of their father.
7 No inheritance in Israel
NIV
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